The Marriage Covenant

Most people see marriage as a contract between two people. And many times it is just that; merely a contract; an agreement on paper. Nowadays, marriages are entered into in the same way as are contracts and just as frequently. Whenever two people feel they love each other enough to stay together for a while, they get married with next-to-no consideration of what that actually means. They think you just buy a ring, book a venue (or hit a drive-thru Chapel in Vegas), glance over the paperwork as if it were a loan agreement, and then walk down the isle hoping they don’t regret this decision as much as they have other contracts they’ve signed in the past 10 years, or so.

Then these same people who were so enthusiastic about becoming “one flesh” before they got married dream about breaking free from each other a year later when they've inevitably experienced their spouses habits, issues, attitudes and personality flaws, (even though they knew what those habits, issues, and personality flaws were when they said “I DO”). This is the reason that over 51% of marriages end in divorce. No one wants to deal with conflict and disagreement. And then there’s that readily available escape clause found in two words which modern America has made so popular, “irreconcilable differences”.  These words free a couple from the dismal obligation of having to work things out. However, is it really that easy to end a marriage? Yes, when your marriage is nothing but a contract. But a real marriage is not a contract, it’s a Covenant! Allow me to explain the difference in the two.

The dictionary describes a Contract as “the document containing an agreement that is written and enforceable by law”. A contract becomes necessary when two parties want to “legalize” their agreement. And the moment both parties agree to void it, they no longer have a union at which time the contract quickly becomes meaningless and both parties may breach the terms at will.

The process of forming a contract is rather simple. Writers take agreed upon terms and build them into a document. Then representatives from each entity come together in a conference room setting and review the language searching for pitfalls. Finally the produced document is signed by both parties and, with a hearty hand shake (for the cameras), a new life is born. Most of the time, this new life is short lived as neither party plans to literally stay together “forever”; just long enough to accomplish their goal and move on to the next phase of their 5-year plan which may or may not include the other party.

Now let’s look at a covenant.

A Covenant is described as “an agreement endorsed by a formal and unique authorizing mark giving approval, i.e., a seal”. The definition of a covenant resembles that of a contract at first glance. However, the Reason a covenant is formed and the intricate Process proves these two are different in every way.

The Reason

The concept of covenent comes from the bible. In the bible days, entire tribes would enter into Covenant Relationships with each other. It was never for formality, or for legality and especially not just for the mere novelty of the occasion or for the gifts and glamour of the ceremony or for health benefits, or… you get the picture. A covenant was a bonding, irreversable agreement and was normally a matter of life or death.

There would be a tribe who was strong in one specific area, for example, let’s say they were strong in agriculture. Then there would be this other tribe whose strength was something different, let’s say, they had a strong army. So these two tribes, one strong in agriculture and the other having the strong army, would each reap the benefits of their individual strengths but would also face daily the dilemmas created by their particular weaknesses. For example, the tribe whose strength was military would conquer other nations and add to their domain, but face undernourishment and even starvation as seasons changed due to lack of agriculture. Meanwhile the tribe whose strength was agriculture would feast at most times of the year and would even become wealthy using their agricultural skills, but would face being conquered, pillaged or even enslaved by a stronger tribe looking to,… I’ll say… acquire them.

If these two tribes were “friends”, so to speak, each would be aware of the others plight. However neither would be obligated to do anything about it. Plus the agricultural tribe would not have planted enough to support the military tribe with food or finances. And the leader of the military tribe couldn’t “legally” interfere with a tribe who had come to attack his friend, as long as there was no threat posed to his tribe. He would literally have to stand by as his ally is taken over and perhaps even murdered due to their lack of protection.

The Process

If these two tribes decided to come together and join in covenant, the first thing that would happen is every member of each nation would have to be notified. The leader of each tribe would make sure every member was informed; biggest to smallest, youngest to oldest. A ceremony would be planned and the invitations would come in the form of a mandate; every member of each tribe must attend to witness the union.

The ceremony would be a very serious affair; covenant was never taken lightly. It would be held in a place large enough to hold every member of both tribes, for example, at the foot of a mountain or along the banks of a river. They would gather all members of one tribe on one side and all members of the second tribe on the other separating the two crowds by a long path or “lane” just wide enough for two people to walk between them (this is the origin of the wedding ceremony that we practice today. We place members of the bride’s family on one side of the church and members of the groom’s family on the other. We separate the two by an isle just wide enough for the bride and groom to pass between the two families).

Then the ceremony would begin. Officials chosen to govern the proceedings would take two sacrificial lambs, one supplied by each tribe, and they would slaughter them there in-between the two tribes. Next they would take the mutilated bodies of the lambs and drag them back and forth between the two tribes until the lane was completely covered with blood. Then the leaders of the two tribes would present themselves by standing at opposite ends of the blood-drenched lane facing each other.

Finally, they would begin the process of entering into covenant. The two leaders, at opposite ends of the lane would walk down the bloody path towards each other, pass each other (presumably on the right) and then turn around and do it again. And again. And again. They would keep trenching through the blood up and down the lane until it drenched their cloths. Each time they passed each other, they would recite vows. The leader of the agricultural tribe, for example, would vow to build and share every harvest with his new family. He would promise to teach his companion’s tribe to plant and cultivate, and promise to support them financially so that they would never experience famine again. And in turn, the leader of the military tribe, covered in lamb’s blood, would vow that the agricultural tribe will never again face a challenger alone. From that moment forward, if any adversary ever approached their land, there would be no victory for that rival, but instead a fight; to the death if necessary, the military leader would vow.

To close the ceremony, one leader would take off his garment, stained with blood, and give it to the other. The other leader would reciprocate. The exchanging was very important. This gift represented the strength of that particular tribe now belongs to his partner. These gifts signified their new relationship. The vulnerable tribe is now armed and strong. The tribe lacking food will never be without harvest again.

Lastly, every member of one tribe would look at the faces of every member in the second tribe and commit it to memory. They were now tribesmen; what we would consider “extended family”. If they were to encounter any member of the former tribe, they were obligated to provide for that member; they were bound to protect and supply what ever that member may need. And one of the tribes would give up their name to take on the name of the other. The name kept by the two tribes would be the one which was known throughout the land; the one that resonated with tribes everywhere. Any tribe looking to acquire the goods of the agricultural tribe would know, by the presence of the new name, that a breach would be met by war. And like wise, never again would the military tribe starve through a winter because they were now wealthy in addition to strong. From that day forward they were no longer two nations; they were one. The covenant born in that place would stand for generations to come.

Marriage is not a contract; it’s a covenant. It’s the highest order of covenant because it is ordained and recognized by God himself. He binds individuals who have chosen to submit themselves one to another. And it is a blood covenant because blood is shed on the night of consummation (on the wedding night; the blood shed by the woman consummates the marriage; however, both the bride and groom would have to be virgins so for most marriages, there was no consummation, but you can be devoted just the same)

Marriage is the creation of family, the beginning of kinship. There is no “irreconcilable differences” in marriage. There is no “undoing”, no “do over”, no “oops”, and no regret. The joining of two people in marriage is as permanent as the joining of Oxygen to Hydrogen which creates this substance we call water. Oxygen can not walk away from hydrogen on a whim deciding it no longer wants to be united. Hydrogen can not leave Oxygen and occasionally bind itself with a few other elements instead. The existence of these unions is critical for this creation called Mankind; as it is with the union of marriage. What God binds together, let no man put asunder.